A Look into Controlled Crying (Spaced Soothing)

Understanding Sleep Training

Sleep training is one of the most challenging and emotional tasks for parents. Sleepless nights affect your well-being, your baby’s mood, and even the dynamics of your household. If you’re here, you might already know how exhausting it can be.

Controlled Crying, also called Spaced Soothing, is a gentle, structured approach that helps babies learn to settle themselves. Unlike harsher methods such as Cry It Out, Controlled Crying doesn’t involve leaving your baby alone to cry for long periods. Instead, it combines brief moments of soothing with opportunities for your baby to develop their ability to self-settle.

In this post, I’ll explain what Controlled Crying is, how it’s different from Cry It Out, and why it can work well for families who want to improve sleep without using extreme methods.

What Is Controlled Crying?

Controlled Crying, also known as Spaced Soothing, is a structured sleep training method designed to help your baby learn to self-settle. This approach balances giving your baby space to figure out how to calm themselves while reassuring them at set intervals.

Here’s how it works:

• Parents leave the room after bedtime rituals: Your baby is placed in bed calm and awake, with a clear signal that it’s time to sleep.

• Brief, timed intervals: If your baby cries emotionally, you wait for a specific period before checking in. The timing depends on your baby’s temperament and the plan tailored to your family.

• Check-ins for reassurance: When you return, you soothe your baby with gentle touch, calm words, or “shushing” but avoid picking them up. The goal is to comfort without restarting habits like feeding or rocking to sleep.

This method is not about neglect. It’s about creating opportunities for your baby to learn self-soothing while knowing you’re nearby.

Compared to more gradual approaches, Controlled Crying often works faster. However, it requires consistency and confidence. If you’re feeling unsure, remember that your baby can pick up on your emotions. Staying calm and trusting the process is key.

This method respects your baby’s emotional needs while fostering independence, making it a gentler alternative to harsher methods like Cry It Out.

The Difference Between Controlled Crying and Cry It Out

Controlled Crying (Spaced Soothing) and Cry It Out (CIO) are often confused, but they are very different approaches to sleep training.

Cry It Out:

• This method involves putting your baby to bed and leaving them alone to cry until they fall asleep.

• Parents do not return to soothe or check on the baby during the process.

• It can result in extended periods of crying, which many parents find distressing.

Controlled Crying (Spaced Soothing):

• With Controlled Crying, you respond to your baby’s cries at regular intervals.

• Check-ins are brief but reassuring, helping your baby understand you’re still there while they learn to self-settle.

• This approach is structured and responsive, focusing on supporting your baby emotionally while encouraging independence.

Why Controlled Crying Builds Trust:

• Babies know their parents are present and attentive, even if they’re not picked up immediately.

• It avoids the feelings of abandonment sometimes associated with Cry It Out.

• Over time, your baby gains confidence in their ability to fall asleep, supported by the consistent and predictable presence of their parent.

Controlled Crying offers a more balanced method for improving sleep, prioritizing emotional security while promoting healthy sleep habits. It’s a compassionate alternative for parents who want to help their baby settle independently without completely stepping back.

The Benefits of Controlled Crying

Controlled Crying offers practical benefits for both parents and babies. It’s an effective, supportive method to improve sleep while maintaining an emotional connection.

1. Better Sleep for Everyone

• Babies learn to settle themselves, leading to longer and more consistent sleep.

• Parents get more rest, reducing exhaustion and improving overall well-being.

2. Encourages Self-Soothing

• Controlled Crying helps your baby develop the ability to calm themselves without relying on external help, like rocking or feeding.

• This is a skill they carry with them as they grow, making bedtime smoother in the long term.

3. Balances Connection and Independence

• Regular check-ins provide reassurance that you’re present.

• Your baby gains confidence in their ability to settle, fostering independence without feeling abandoned.

4. Lower Stress Compared to Extreme Methods

• Responding to your baby at set intervals makes the process feel more manageable.

• You remain engaged and supportive, which can reduce the guilt or worry often associated with harsher methods like Cry It Out.

Controlled Crying is a method that respects both your baby’s emotional needs and your need for rest. It’s a balanced, compassionate way to help your baby learn healthy sleep habits.

Why Parents Choose Controlled Crying

Controlled Crying can feel like a lifeline for parents at their wit’s end with sleepless nights. It’s practical, supportive, and flexible enough to fit your family’s unique needs.

Real-Life Scenarios
Parents often turn to Controlled Crying when sleep becomes a daily struggle:

• You’re heading back to work and can’t function on broken sleep anymore.

• Exhaustion is taking over, making it harder to enjoy time with your family.

• Your baby just can’t settle on their own, and bedtime feels like an uphill battle every night.

Stories from Families
Sometimes, hearing how others have managed can make all the difference:

• Ashleigh, mum of Arthur:
  “We were at breaking point. Arthur was waking five times a night, and we were both working full-time. Caity was so responsive and easy to talk to. She gave us loads of information, but it wasn’t overwhelming—it was tailored to our family and what we felt comfortable with. She didn’t push us into one way of doing things but offered options we felt good about.

  Within a week, Arthur was sleeping through the night. We can’t thank her enough. Her support was a game-changer for our family.”

• Dani and Brian, parents of Bella:
  “Bella was a terrible napper—she’d only sleep in the car, pram, or with us. We were close to losing it. Caity gave us a clear, easy-to-follow plan and talked us through every step. She even shared her own experiences, which made us feel like she really understood.

  After a couple of weeks, Bella was napping in her bassinet and even sleeping better at night. It wasn’t always easy, but Caity guided us the whole way and made it manageable. We’re so grateful for her help.”

Addressing Common Fears
It’s normal to worry when you’re thinking about sleep training. Here’s what parents often ask:

• "Will my baby feel abandoned?" No. With Controlled Crying, you’re always checking in at regular intervals. Your baby knows you’re there, which helps build trust.

• "Is it too harsh?" Not at all. This method gives your baby the space to learn while keeping you involved. It’s supportive, not extreme.

Controlled Crying works because it’s practical and compassionate. And with someone like Caity guiding you, it’s easier to make a plan that feels right for your family.

Conclusion: A Path to Better Sleep for Everyone

Controlled Crying offers a balanced, effective way to improve your baby’s sleep. It promotes self-soothing while keeping emotional connection at the forefront. For parents, it means better rest, reduced stress, and more energy to focus on your family.

I’m committed to helping families find gentle, evidence-based solutions to sleep challenges. With my guidance, you can approach sleep training with confidence and achieve lasting results.

Better nights lead to brighter days. With the right support, your family can enjoy the benefits of restful sleep and peaceful evenings. Let’s work together to make that happen.

How I Can Support You

If you’re ready to start sleep training but need guidance, I’m here to help. My coaching process is tailored to your baby and your family, so you’ll never feel like you’re just following a one-size-fits-all plan.

Here’s what you can expect when you work with me:

1. A Personalized Approach

• We’ll start with a detailed consultation to discuss your baby’s current sleep patterns, your parenting style, and what you feel comfortable with.

• I create a custom sleep plan based on your baby’s temperament, your family’s routine, and your personal preferences.

2. Ongoing Support

• Sleep training isn’t always straightforward, and I’m with you every step of the way.

• You’ll have access to follow-ups where we can adjust the plan as needed.

• I’m available to answer your questions and offer encouragement when things feel hard.

3. Extra Tools and Resources

• You’ll get practical guides and checklists to help you stay organized and confident.

• I also provide tips and strategies for handling common sleep disruptions, like teething or regressions.

My goal is to make sleep training feel manageable and positive for your whole family. With a plan designed just for you and hands-on support, you can create better sleep habits for your baby—and finally get the rest you need, too.

Next Steps: Book Your Free 15Min Discovery Call

If you’re ready to improve your baby’s sleep and aren’t sure where to start, let’s chat. A free 15-minute discovery call is a great way to learn more about how Controlled Crying could work for your family.

During this call, you’ll have the chance to share your challenges and ask questions. Together, we can discuss which package is the best fit for your needs. I’ll guide you through the options and help you feel confident about taking the next step.

You’re not alone in this. Let’s talk about how we can create a sleep routine that works for your baby and your family.

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Reference Bibliography

1. Ferber, R. (1985). Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. New York: Simon & Schuster.

2. Mindell, J. A. (2010). Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep. HarperCollins.

3. Weisbluth, M. (2015). Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Random House.

4. American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) (2016). Policy on Safe Sleep and Infant Sleep Patterns.

5. Douglas, P., & Hill, P. (2013). Behavioral Sleep Interventions in Infants: Parent and Child Outcomes. Journal of Pediatrics